5 Questions to Turn Repressed Emotions into Leadership Strength
You are not becoming less professional by having feelings. Learn how to stop repressing the signals your body is sending you and start using them to become a sharper, more connected leader.
For the longest time, I mistook professionalism for emotional detachment. It cost me my health and eventually led to burnout. Over the last few weeks, we’ve talked about how to stop repressing what we feel by choosing composure over reaction, practicing Radical Candor, and permitting ourselves to have feelings.
Because here’s the reality: hiding what you feel is exhausting. When we aren’t allowed to be our authentic selves at work, we start to shrink. It’s hard to do your best work when most of your energy is spent pretending that you don’t feel anything at all.
We have to accept that being human means being emotional.
Emotions are signals. They aren’t meant to be ignored, nor are they to be acted upon impulsively. True leadership strength comes from knowing how to handle them.
5 Questions to turn your emotions into strength:
1. What is the actual risk of letting my team see I’m still figuring it out?
The fear: Many of us hide our emotions because we’re afraid they make us look incompetent.
The reality: It’s actually the opposite. When a leader says, “I’m feeling the pressure of this deadline, and I don’t have all the answers yet,” it creates a safe space for everyone else to be honest. It shifts the focus from appearing perfect to solving the problem together. When you are authentic, your team stops guessing and starts helping.
2. Where is this emotion sitting in my body right now?
The signal: Our bodies usually pick up on emotions before our brains can even name them (LeDoux’s “double path”). Repressed emotions don’t just vanish; they get stored in your tight shoulders, your clenched jaw, or your gut.
The release: Next time you tell yourself you’re “fine” but your neck is stiff, ask yourself what you might be ignoring. Acknowledging the physical feeling is the first step to letting the emotional weight go.
3. Is my poker face creating distance?
The illusion: We think a neutral exterior makes people feel safe. But usually, it just makes us unreadable. When a team can’t read their leader, they get anxious and start trying to guess what you’re thinking.
The connection: By sharing just a little bit more of what you’re feeling, you remove the guesswork and build trust. Try saying: “I’m actually quite excited about this, but I’m also a little nervous about how we’ll execute it.”
4. Where did I learn that repressing emotions is “professional”?
The conditioning: Maybe it was a past boss, a specific company culture, or even how you were raised. Often, we were taught to “fall in line” and leave our hearts at the door.
The choice: Recognizing that emotionless leadership is a learned behavior, and not a universal truth, is empowering. If you learned it, you can unlearn it. You can decide today that your leadership style includes your heart.
5. What would change if I looked at this emotion as data instead of a distraction?
The shift: Frustration is usually a signal that a boundary has been crossed. Sadness is often a signal that something important isn’t working or has been lost.
The practice: Instead of pushing the feeling away to get back to “real work,” try to listen. What is that frustration telling you about the team’s workflow? What is the anxiety telling you about the project’s risks? Using emotions as data makes you a sharper, more connected leader.
Being an emotionally intelligent leader
Unlearning an old habit takes time. But the fact that you’re reading this means you’ve already taken the first step. Be patient with yourself. You are NOT becoming less professional, you’re becoming more human.
Growth happens when we figure these things out together. My own journey involves mentoring and consulting, so if you are unlearning your own professional challenges or in need of a sounding board, feel free to reach out. We can connect through ADPList. My schedule is updated, and it is pro bono for now.
“I had the privilege of being mentored by Annisa during a pivotal phase in my career journey. Her advice gave me the clarity and confidence I needed to take my next step, especially in the marketing field. I’m genuinely grateful to have had her support as a mentor, and I believe anyone would be lucky to learn from her.”
- David, June 2025, Mentee
Or, if you’d prefer to work with a professional coach, I’m happy to introduce you to a few people I trust who work in your timezone.
A peek at March
Thank you for spending February together! Next month, we’ll be celebrating International Women’s Day by discussing a new topic: Give to Gain. Often, we repress our own needs because we’re afraid of not being helpful. This leads many women to accept ad hoc tasks 50% more often than their male counterparts.
Together, we’ll explore how to be more strategic with your contributions and build the visibility you need to achieve your goals. What counts as non-promotable tasks? How to avoid attaching your worth to your output? How to share your wins without sounding boastful?
We’ll be joined by a special guest with over 25 years of experience in tech and leadership! She now helps leaders navigate burnout and identity shifts, and she’ll be sharing her story with us this March.
See you then,
Annisa 💙