I resigned from a career I loved because I confused "conflict avoidance" with being a team player. Here are the 3 mistakes I made and how you can avoid them.
Thank you Annisa! Over the years I also had to learn how to set boundaries too, steep learning curve that was, and for years I was also trapped in the "I'm too small to speak" mindset. Today I've actually told one of my juniors to not be such a "YES-man" all the time - to even learn to push me back (his manager) when I ask for stuff he doesn't have time to do. So I guess we're practising, slowly, and I'll win the day he says to be "can we look at this next week please I am busy with X which is think is the priority".
Pauline thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel less alone in this journey with that. This post was one of the hardest to publish, because I was scared it would reveal my vulnerability in the context work. But apparently it resonated with a lot of people, including you. So thank you for reading 💙
Thanks a lot for sharing, I can very much relate to this. It is exactly how I landed into a burnout as well.. it felt "impossible" to set boundaries, because I didn't want to let anyone down. Until I realized that I was still letting myself down, big time. "I’ve finally learned that while I can contribute my skills to save a half-million-dollar investment, it is never worth bankrupting my own nervous system to do it." is exactly it. Hope you're recovering properly!
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that as well. It's a wake-up call that most of us recently had to go through to start being more self-compassionate.
I see that you're writing about something similar! So glad you find writing as a medium to share your learnings and journey. Instant follow :) Looking forward to healing together! Thank you for the kind words 💙
Phenomenal breakdown of how conflict avoidance disguises itself as professionalism. That line about bankrupting your nervous system to save a half million really captures the inverted logic we all fall into. I've seen people treat setting boundaries like they're letting everyone down, when actualy theyre just protecting their capacity to keep showing up.
You're so spot on! I used to think that boundaries meant being mean, being a let-down. I've misjudged so many people in my 'previous life' that when this happened, I realized what "setting boundaries" actually meant. Thanks for reading this piece and the kind words. Really appreciate it!
Thank you Annisa! Over the years I also had to learn how to set boundaries too, steep learning curve that was, and for years I was also trapped in the "I'm too small to speak" mindset. Today I've actually told one of my juniors to not be such a "YES-man" all the time - to even learn to push me back (his manager) when I ask for stuff he doesn't have time to do. So I guess we're practising, slowly, and I'll win the day he says to be "can we look at this next week please I am busy with X which is think is the priority".
Pauline thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel less alone in this journey with that. This post was one of the hardest to publish, because I was scared it would reveal my vulnerability in the context work. But apparently it resonated with a lot of people, including you. So thank you for reading 💙
Thanks a lot for sharing, I can very much relate to this. It is exactly how I landed into a burnout as well.. it felt "impossible" to set boundaries, because I didn't want to let anyone down. Until I realized that I was still letting myself down, big time. "I’ve finally learned that while I can contribute my skills to save a half-million-dollar investment, it is never worth bankrupting my own nervous system to do it." is exactly it. Hope you're recovering properly!
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that as well. It's a wake-up call that most of us recently had to go through to start being more self-compassionate.
I see that you're writing about something similar! So glad you find writing as a medium to share your learnings and journey. Instant follow :) Looking forward to healing together! Thank you for the kind words 💙
Phenomenal breakdown of how conflict avoidance disguises itself as professionalism. That line about bankrupting your nervous system to save a half million really captures the inverted logic we all fall into. I've seen people treat setting boundaries like they're letting everyone down, when actualy theyre just protecting their capacity to keep showing up.
You're so spot on! I used to think that boundaries meant being mean, being a let-down. I've misjudged so many people in my 'previous life' that when this happened, I realized what "setting boundaries" actually meant. Thanks for reading this piece and the kind words. Really appreciate it!
Thank you so much for sharing your stories and learning Annisa!
Thank you for reading!