How much of the fear holding you back in your work actually belongs to you?
When I decided to resign from my comfortable 9-to-5, I thought I was just dealing with normal career transition anxiety.
But I knew I was meant for more "growth." Burnout was just the aftermath of trying to contain myself in a chapter I had already outgrown. The frustration of not being able to do "more" when I knew I had the capacity for it ended up jeopardizing my creativity and potential. So, I knew it was time to go.
What followed was a massive identity crisis. I knew I wanted something bigger, but I didn’t know how to get there because something was holding me back:
fear.
Inheriting the fear through conditioning
I grew up in a strict household.
A lot of: Be careful! Don’t! Just you wait until…! But at the same time, my parents -especially my mother- pushed me to try everything: guitar lessons, piano, swimming, math, debate club, Mandarin, French, German language- every skill possible.
My father, on the other hand, pushed me to be free by encouraging me to experience new things: I took a puff of his cigarette, a sip of his beer, stayed up late, and stayed out. But then he punched a hole in the door out of sheer frustration and panic when I burned my arm learning how to iron at 12 years old.
Apart from joy, fear unfortunately ruled the home I grew up in.
Unlearning the conditioning at 30 years old
More than a decade later, in adulthood, all I knew how to be came down to two modes:
either be in control,
or fear losing control.
It burned me out, physically and mentally.
So one day, I woke up and decided I could no longer live like this.
In January 2026, I restarted therapy with the same therapist who helped me process the grief of losing my parents back in 2021. Her name is Avis, and her methods work really well with me.
The best way I can describe this therapy journey is like swimming upstream: not impossible, but intense and deeply exhausting.
After every session, I remember feeling depleted, enlightened, burpy (yes, I burp when I process heavy emotions, which was weird to realize!), and ravenously hungry.
The first few sessions were the hardest, but then I realized: the more I just let it flow, the easier it got. So I stopped resisting.
And then, the life-changing session happened.
Letting go of outdated conditioning through therapy and visualization
At 30 years old, I finally understood why mother was the way she was -and why she so often acted out of fear. This understanding came out of nowhere, but the empathy was so intense I ended up crying because I could feel her pain.
Naturally, I brought it up in my next session with Avis.
I can’t recall every exact detail of how the conversation went, but we dissected that breakthrough across a 75-minute session. That was where I finally realized: all this time, the fear I was carrying wasn’t even mine. It was my mother’s projection.
Avis asked me to close my eyes and visualize a safe space. In that space, I met my mother in her 20s; she was smiling. I was a child again, no older than seven, crying while holding a gift box tied with a red bow. Inside it was all of her fear, her conditioning, her projections. In my mind’s eye, I looked at her and said, “I am returning these to you.”
The relief was instant. The burden just lifted.
Maybe I was in a trance; maybe it was all just a vivid visualization. I don’t know! All I know is that fear never belonged to me in the first place.
How I distinguish projection vs. my own emotions now
Through therapy, I learned to identify when an emotion is actually mine versus when I’m carrying someone else’s residual anxiety -be it my client, my prospect, or a peer.
1. Projection (External): When an emotion is a projection, it’s felt outside of my body. It hovers over me like a cloud. Most often is when I suddenly feel a vague sense of anxiety and worry about things that are outside of my control.
2. True Emotion (Internal): Pure personal emotions have a clear “physical address” inside my body. Example: when it’s shame, I feel it hot in my cheeks. When it’s sadness, I feel it heavy in my chest. When it’s pressure or worry, I feel it weighing down my shoulders.
Recognizing this distinction helped me become a better growth partner for my clients, and it transformed the way I run my business in general. Because now I understand how to regulate myself better before big meetings, feedback sessions, or any tough conversations overall.
Where fear showed up in my work and business
In corporate environments, we’re taught to control every variable. Risk mitigation is the entire culture -or at least this was what I experienced.
So when I stepped out to build my own thing, I often mistake that old corporate need for control as "having high standards."
As it turns out, fear was always the real reason behind my reluctance to do sales. Sure, sales has its own questionable reputation -which I’ll unpack another day (still learning it!) -but ultimately, it was my fear of uncertainty that made me feel “bad” at sales.
Fear also made me limit my own creativity. I became overly rigid in how I approached a client’s challenge.
For example, if the problem was A, I would only solve it through Z, because that was the safe way I knew. I didn’t want to try another path out of fear of making things worse. Instead of allowing myself to make mistakes and learn from them, I demanded perfection. Anything less felt like complete incompetence.
Those were the two biggest ways fear was choking the very growth I was craving.
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The journey ahead is long, but it’s exciting
With this newfound courage, I finally get to just “fuck around and find out.”
Since making that shift 3 months ago, it has already led to:
My first four-figure contract, 55 days after officially launching,
Genuine connections with people on LinkedIn and Substack who actively help each other grow,
And, most importantly, the bravery to look at my mistakes without judgment and see how I can improve myself, my services, and my business.
This is just the beginning. I’m excited to explore more mistakes, build more connections, and experience more of everything at my own pace.
I’m no longer trying to control every outcome and process. I’m just letting myself ride the wave and take the opportunities as they come.
So here’s to the journey ahead, one with curiosity and courage.
💙 Annisa
I am publishing this reflective article to keep the journey real. There are no regrets, blame, nor shame. If anything, I’m grateful for this chapter, because to reach where I am today, this phase was necessary.
A bit about my therapist and her methods in her own words:
“With almost a decade of experience as a therapist, I have come to appreciate that healing occurs not through techniques alone, but within the safety of a trusting therapeutic relationship built over time. When clients feel emotionally held and supported, they are better able to approach painful memories, navigate difficult life circumstances, and draw from their resources to move through life’s greatest challenges.
My approach integrates Brainspotting and psychodynamic psychotherapy. Although the methods I use may appear simple, the healing process itself is often complex and deeply personal. Therapy is an unfolding journey that weaves together insight, emotional processing, and embodied experience, all within a safe relationship. Walking alongside clients through this process is both a privilege and an art, with moments that feel nothing short of miraculous.”
Avis Ng - Professional Counsellor at Rekindle Therapy
From 2021 until today, I’m so grateful to have met Avis.
🖤💜